Heart Pendant

To Divorce or Not to Divorce

Updated: Aug 14

And then the prince and the princess lived happily ever after.


It would be great if every marriage turns out like a fairy tale, but the reality is sometimes it doesn't.

Then the question becomes: To divorce or not to divorce, that is the question.


To divorce or not to divorce is one of the most important decisions you make. Some people make this decision rather quickly with clarity, whereas some struggle whether to do it or not for months and sometimes for years.


Going back and forth, back and forth, thinking yes that’s the right decision one day, and no it’s not the right decision the next day can be agonizing.


For those who are going back and forth between to divorce or not to divorce, here are some questions you can ask yourself:


• Is my decision based on fear or love?


• Is fear stopping me from moving forward with divorce?

• Or is love encouraging me to move forward, or stopping me from making a haste judgment?

• Why did I get married in the first place?

• What is most important to me?


Voice of fear sounds like this:


“How am I going to support myself financially?”

“Am I going to be lonely?”

“What would my friends and family think of me and divorce?”


Those are perhaps not the right reasons unless you want to live a fear-laden life.

I trust those who are reading this want to live a love-driven life.


The voice of love says something like this:


“This decision (whether to stay or leave) is good for all of us in the long run – for myself, my partner, and my children.”

“I am strong. I am supported by the universe. I can be financially independent. I’m not going to be blinded by my fear of finance.”

“I have lots of friends and I can always meet new people. I am fine.”

“Those who really love me will support my decision.”


The most important thing is for you to be perfectly happy. If staying in the marriage makes you perfectly happy, that is the right choice. If leaving the marriage makes you perfectly happy, that is the right choice for you. Whichever way you decide, what children don't want to see happier you?


The voice of love is always the guide you can depend on.

If you are in the paralysis by analysis state whether to divorce or not, get a notebook and write down what the voice of fear tells you, and then write down what the voice of love tells you.

Close the notebook and maybe don’t open it for several days. Then open the notebook and without looking at what you wrote before, do the same exercise again. If you repeat this a few times, your answer will be clear.


Last but not least, my mentor Alan Cohen wrote this wonderful book titled “Happily Even After,” which I highly recommend for those who want to build a great relationship with your partner whether you’re going to divorce him/her or not. If you do decide to divorce, divorce does not have to be hostile. It could be the beginning of a new relationship with your soon-to-be-ex.